mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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