I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
