is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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