Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize