I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you will always have a special place in my vag
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
