Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
