she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
