he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
