I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
