If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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