I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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