got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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