After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
