fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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