When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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