I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize