I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize