he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
