Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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