So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
