Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize