I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
