he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
