I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
