If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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