So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
