she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
