come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
