Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
