I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
