I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
