I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
