I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
