I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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