their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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