i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize