fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
