My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
