please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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