The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
