she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
