Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
