The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize