I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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