Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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