you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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