considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
