She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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