oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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