its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
