No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
