Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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