A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
