I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found your dick twin last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
