I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
