I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize