Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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