Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
