Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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