I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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