it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
