32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
