stop calling my apartment porn island.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
