i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
