We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
