In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
