ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
