I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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