I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
