They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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