ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
