I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
