A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
