As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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