I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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