I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
