he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
