i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
