are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
