Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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