i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize