Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
