finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
