yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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