All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
