Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
