Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize