i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
