like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
