I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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