its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
