I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
