Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
