I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
