he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
