Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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