I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
