imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
