So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't notice because vodka
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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