i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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