you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
