yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize