I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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